Birthed Infant: 0-1 y/o
As a Tier 0
- Responsible for being an absolute menace.
- Responsible for crying for no reason or a reason.
- Responsible for laughing at things for a reason or no reason.
- Responsible for tasting everything to refine my palate.
- Responsible for disturbing the peace at ungodly hours.
Stage 1 Evolution Toddler: 1-2 y/o
As a Tier 1
- Responsible for learning motor coordination.
- Responsible for learning vocalization of words mostly cursing.
- Responsible for destroying my environment knowing I can't be punished due to the statues of being too young to hit.
- Responsible for learning how to throw tantrums.
- Responsible for learning how to harness cuteness for reward.
Stage 2 Evolution Kid: 2-5 y/o
As a Tier 2
- Responsible for stringing together words in a never-ending series of astronomically wild stories while flailing around my body, performing acrobatics, and interpretive dances because of reasons.
- Responsible for learning what a whooping is because now I am old enough to know better (no clue what that means it was the first time I did it guess my intuition is nonexistent or they are making up rules as they go).
- Responsible for learning to lie because the truth hurts.
- Responsible for learning to sit down and shut up even though as a kid I am brimming with positive creative energy.
- Responsible for learning that society is made to kill creativity and freedom of expression (if it killed off your parents’ ability to harness it) in exchange you get to be a mindless robot prepped for the factory of life.
Stage 3 Evolution Preteen: 5-11 y/o
As a Tier 3
- Responsible for exploring my own body and the opposite sexes body consensually.
- Responsible for getting in trouble for exploring my own body and opposite sexes body consensually because I am ‘too young’.
- Responsible for learning you can’t do anything on this planet but be told everything you can’t do, and not bother other people.
- Responsible for seeing how miserable everyone is in the current state of affairs.
- Responsible for becoming an introvert after being restrained to the point that life has become unbearably uncomfortable.
Stage 4 Evolution Teen: 11-18 y/o
As a Tier 4
- Responsible for becoming a rebellious teen tired of my restraints.
- Responsible for doing the opposite of everything my parents are telling me to do (behind their backs obviously using my learned lying ability perfected and alibied because I have great grades).
- Responsible for starting a gang, doing drugs, and drinking.
- Responsible for getting caught fighting at school luckily it was just fighting, so I get in trouble and have to attend a D.A.R.E. meeting and forced to agree to not be in a gang, do drugs, drink, etc. (lies through teeth).
- Responsible for getting sent to Military to straighten out my life.
Stage 5 Evolution Young Adult: 18-21 y/o
As a Tier 5
- Responsible for learning that all that rushing to be an adult was a mistake, also almost dying overseas in a warzone several times a year every other year and watching my peers die was becoming normal life. I begin slowly checking out mentally as I enjoy life’s joke. I really like the chaos of war way too much and I can’t wait to deploy again. I think I found my calling I’m REALLY good at leading and reforming soldiers and haven’t lost one on any of the close to over 1,000 missions I have lead unlike the other squads (avoidable blue on blue fratricide, avoidable deaths by bad ground communication, avoidable deaths by not having proper PPE, avoidable deaths by bad vehicle PPE, avoidable deaths by poor leadership decisions, avoidable injuries by not following safety protocols, etc.). I try to volunteer for a fifth deployment and get denied and sent to a bullshit desk job in the states… I hate it.
- Responsible for learning everything that school doesn’t teach you but life does with pop quiz after pop quiz when no prep time… Bills? Utilities? Taxes? Budgeting? Work? Relationships? Family? Friends? Balancing it all? Who to cut off? Time management? All work/All play? When to work/When to play? Stress relief? How to deal with being over whelmed?
- Responsible for deciphering wants vs. needs and when each is appropriate.
- Responsible for learning to let go and going with the flow.
- Responsible for learning who you are going to make yourself into and that you are in control of molding yourself.
Stage 6 Evolution Adult: 21-35 y/o
As a Tier 6
- Responsible for working just to party EVERY single weekend.
- Responsible for having sex with EVERY girl I like.
- Responsible for getting tired of partying EVERY single weekend.
- Responsible for finding hobbies that interest me besides the Gym 2+ times a day and online-gaming.
- Responsible for settling down and trying marriage twice then getting tired of the unexplainable level of mind-numbing drama (both times) of ‘settling down’, ‘working for others’, and following the status quo to finally walking my own path.
Stage 7 Evolution Mature Adult: 35-65 y/o
As a Tier 7
- Responsible for having a mid-life crisis over the meaninglessness of this whole system.
- Responsible for seeing everything as a conspiracy and I can never get ahead (until I get ahead).
- Responsible for watching my metabolism slowly turn me into a shape but not in shape.
- Responsible for becoming uncaring for material possessions.
- Responsible for finally saving money or if I have enough (or too much) spending it on everything I wanted when I didn’t have money.
Stage 8 Evolution Senior: 65+ y/o
As a Tier 8
- Responsible for complaining about everything this generation is doing even though I did exactly what they did with slight variations in execution.
- Responsible for being an unfiltered deviant because I'm almost dead so ha.
- Responsible for being the cool grandpa that gives the kids candy before dinner and a sip of my beer because I was taking an ‘old man nap’ and didn’t see them grab it.
- Responsible for giving back to the community starting with my charities "Single dollars™" dedicated to helping Single mothers & In-debt college students and "Being your only fan™" dedicated to helping up and coming entrepreneurs in the digital sector.
- Responsible for telling stories so embellished that Movie studios are fighting over the rights to tell it.
Stage 9 Evolution New Life: 0-∞ y/o
As a Tier 9
- Choice A) Respawn as a baby (plant, animal, human, alien, etc.).
- Choice B) Respawn as a thing (gadget, object, sun, energy, etc.).
- Choice C) Live in a faith based pre-built afterlife (a true paradise).
- Choice D) Live an afterlife I choose to build (in creative mode).
- Choice E) Return to the singularity.